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just cuz you feel it, doesnt mean its there.
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[27 Dec 2006|09:51am] |
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Use a table.
I always find it's much easier to do a tabel for that. This way you can
have more freedom with how you want your text, bgcolor, and borders (if any)
in your entries. For example, I changed the bg colors of both columns in this
table, and I also modified my text.
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[07 Feb 2004|05:05pm] |
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goodbye
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| PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT |
[30 Jan 2004|08:12am] |
I WILL NO LONGER BE WRITING IN THIS JOURNAL. NOT EVER AGAIN, IN FACT IT IS GOING TO BE DELETED WHENEVER I GET AROUND TO IT. SO FEEL FREE TO REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS PAGE IF YOU WOULD LIKE.
y'all take care now.
<3, MORGANE.
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[27 Jan 2004|12:35am] |
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today is an important day for me and if you don't know what today is for me, i am taking you off my friends list, forever and always
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[24 Jan 2004|09:06pm] |
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it kind of bothers me how these days when i talk to someone i haven't talked to in a while, i always end up talking about drugs with them
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| i am bored so i stole this from heather |
[24 Jan 2004|07:03pm] |
1) Using band names, spell out your first name:
Massive Attack
O
Radiohead
Get up kids
Alkaline trio
Neutral milk hotel
E
if you can think of "o" or "e" band names you should tell me
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? yes one or two
3) What song makes you cry? probley anything on EVOL by sonic youth
4) What song makes you happy? aurora-bjork
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? sonic youth or massive attack or the doors or something mellow and rediculous like that
6)Name a song by Coal Chamber: what does this have to do with anything?
7) Who was/were your idol(s) when you were younger? the cartoon version of robin hood, rainbow brite, don't remember any others
8) First album you ever bought? bjork- debut...zowwie!
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why: last train to satansville by swervedriver reminds me of kyle because he always sang it on his guitar when we were walking around town tweaking our asses off.
[X]appearance[X]
HEIGHT: 5'3"
HAIR COLOR: brown
SKIN COLOR: i'm a honkie
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: septum and belly button and something in my ear
TATTOOS: one that i am getting covered up so i am not going to mention it
[X]right now[X]
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: white ones
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO? i am sick of all my music at this juncture, so none
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: gatorade
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?:its cold and it's night
HOW ARE YOU: i have a headache, what else is new
[X]do you[X]
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: no
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: i have lots of those so i won't list them
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: i don't really talk to my dad
[X]favorites[X]
TV SHOW: i don't watch tv
CONDITIONER: i don't use conditioner
BOOK: harriet the spy
MAGAZINE: don't really read magazines
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: ice tea and lemonade, milkshakes, chocolate soymilk, vanila coke
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: vodka and cranberry juice! margaritas! rum and coke!
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: for us there are no weekends
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: well latelly i just want to hear some fucking joy division, and right now i can't get neutral milk hotel out of my head
[X]have you[X]
BROKEN THE LAW: i guess!
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: i wouldn't call it that
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: i've been topless
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: probably at some point
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: haha i wish! oh wow
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: nope
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: like brushin' my teeth
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: yes in the shower
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: elementary school
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes
[X]love[X]
BOYFRIEND: i have a future ex husband
GIRLFRIEND: no
SEXUALITY: are you asking if i'm horny?
CHILDREN: i have a few
CURRENT CRUSH: every time i look in the mirror i fall in love with myself all over again
BEEN IN LOVE?: it happens sometimes
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yes
BEEN HURT?: yes
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: not grabbin' that laptop for graduation and taking 500 bucks cash instead, which i immediately spent that summer
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: i don't think so
[X]random[X]
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: fuck no! do i look like some kind of sucker to you?!
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: i thin the doors
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: neon pink.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: alexpants
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: if i ever get another cd you mean...probley um joy division or neutral milk hotel
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: i don't know anymore
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: lots of drugs and a few good romps in the hay
[X]when/what was the last[X]
TIME YOU CRIED?: probley like yesterday or something, i don't know, i cry alot
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: um um 2 months ago?
YOU GOT E-MAIL: this morning
THING YOU PURCHASED: some gatorade and some candy bars
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: i don't remember
[X]your thoughts on[X]
ABORTION:i like dead fetuses
TEENAGE SMOKING: i didn't know that was an issue anymore
SPICE GIRLS: if i wasted my time and thoughts on shit like the spice girls.....
DREAMS: when i have them now they're all fucked up
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| ::public announcement:: |
[20 Jan 2004|10:38pm] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead//hail to the thief |
] |
i cleaned out my friends list.
if you're one of the people i x'ed, you can defriend me also...
unless you still find me interesting.
i'm also not sure if i'm done with my cleaning yet...
if you want to remove me, go ahead and do so
because my journal has gone to shit lately
and i don't really care about it anymore
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| my music is so apropo for the contents of this entry. |
[15 Jan 2004|10:51pm] |
| [ |
music |
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the doors//the end |
] |
so i'm back in san diego now, and it's not the same. in some way i was expecting us to come back here, and everything would be the same as it was when we left here, two months ago.
i realized something while i was on the phone with kyle [who's now in ohio, goddamn him] and it was that
october 2003 was a period of my life that will never be exactly reproduced. it held an energy and a life all it's own. that month had it's own set of problems and feelings and drugs and people. that month changed everything i had come to know about my life. so so many things have happened since then, and it's wierd to think how one little decision you make can cause a chain of events, or how one person you meet can change the way you thought your life was going, or the plans you had.
i can't even write any more
it's completely deteriorated
in 12 days i will be 20, what a useless age.
oh yeah and denver was fun
[but cold as shit]
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| christmas...and new years. and everything before that. and everything in between. |
[25 Dec 2003|12:45am] |
this probley will be the last time i get to a computer before new years. so i'm gonna reflect on 2003 while i have the chance. i....moved across the country, had 2 shitty jobs that both lasted about 2 months each,[goddamn! only 2? i'm proud of myself.] and met some fairly interesting people. also i got baked, rode the slopes, did my dirty laundry, saw the bay in technicolour, got loaded, talked in funny voices from inhalants, tripped, and "tussed"
i want to make 2004 the best year yet
my x mas/birthday list for anyone that cares.
~some drugs [take note, how this is first priority on the list]
~a carton of cigs would be nice
~nose repierced
~tatoo redone
~some fucking shoes!! [this is important goddammit]
~bobby pins
~neon nailpolish
oh yeah and i want to be ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) august21's 2nd ex wife more than anything.
[side note,]....for the best fuckedup-ed-ness you can get your grimey hands on, for a little under 3 dollars, i suggest heading out to your local drugstore and purchasing a bottle of robotussin. yes i am well aware i am probley the last fucker on earth to catch on to the magic of dxm but still.
"i done drank the 'tussin!!"
happy xmas and new years, kids.
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| my thoughts are so scattered and it's taking me forever to get what little is left...together. |
[25 Nov 2003|04:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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oh man oh man oh man. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead//hail to the thief |
] |
i'm fucking amazed at this thing called "life" these days
the other night i did [shrooms], which was interesting because i hadn't done em yet
if you've done those you should comment and tell me something that happened to you while you were under the influence
i wonder if my mom reads this---if she does she should comment
AND!! if you've got some big schemeing plan that you're going to post anoymously [or however you spell that crazy word] and pretend you're my mom, i'm gonna hunt you down and shoot you in the face. thanks.
haven't been this happy in forever. last night i thought my heart was going to explode. and i got tingles up my arms from hearing those words. AHHH!! what have you done to me!!
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| random b.s. |
[19 Nov 2003|06:04pm] |
livejournal really pisses me off now
i'm in denver and it's warmer here than it was in san diego
put the word 'anal' in front of any car name and it's guarenteed laughs, well this is the sort of shit you think of when you're stuck at the village inn for about 5 hours smoking and drinking coffee plotting up some way to get ahold of alcohol. 'anal blazer'...ha.
than there was the big toss up between what's a better way to put it.."poking" [that was brandon's term]..."diddling"[ian's]..."bumping uglies"[my term]..and at which point shaggy pipes up with the old standby..."why not just say 'we're fucking'?!!"
this conversation led to....
"wanna do the hokey pokey??..then turn yo'self around, bitch!!"
i ripped my dreds out
i feel like i keep fucking up...over and over
and how are you today??
no, seriously. comment and tell me how you all are doing.
p.s i have a new layout, go look, it's fun for the whole family.
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[14 Nov 2003|04:25pm] |
"Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good."
"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here."
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| the 1st annual P.B. gutter run comes to an end. |
[12 Nov 2003|04:44pm] |
i will leave some part of me in san diego.
part of my eyes that watched the sun rise and sink, dusk till dawn, above bayside ripples and under the neon blue ocean waves. part of my eyes that saw the streets and stared at the face in the mirror in the dennys bathroom, eyes searching blank eyes and a face i couldn't recognize.
so many nights i embraced the stars from upon my lunar pedestal, now i only wish i could kiss the shoreline with my feet buryed deep into the sand.
"if you can't take the heat get the fuck out of the kitchen."
...and last night was the blazing inferno.
i found myself on the curb gazing at the sky. the sunset over the palms. enthralled at the site of something beyond these dead end streets.
float to the bathroom next, [this was after seeing black and whites of city skylines and my broken dream standing, head down] and find a razorblade
[those pictures a reminder of what i once was, and the things i had planned out, that i fucked up because of drugs, what i can never get back, my sanity, my left breast. now i've seen what these drugs can do to a person and i've felt myself slipping so many times, and if i really truly gave in]
searching my wrists for stitches or scars, any sort of sign that my hands had been replaced with someone else's. those bastards did a good fucking job sewing them up. have you ever been petrified at the sight of your own hands? how the fuck can i explain this? i can't.
i look down and i'm still not sure whose they are, some times i'm afraid of them, but at least i've got control over them. i force them to write. as i'm typing now i can feel that numb feeling overcoming my wrists again, but i'm going to try and push it away.
leaving for denver tomorrow morning, not sure when i'm coming back to california, if you've got anything you want to tell me, do it now
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[09 Nov 2003|08:20am] |
please lord, just give me five more high speed hours before you bring the hammer down!
i wrote this last night. lunar eclipse you know. had me all kinds of loopy.
rainbow halo encircles the moon, glass shards of reality come drifting down to me from some delapitated lunar monument high, high above the palms. the cloudless sky sings lullabies of serenity out to the circular spinning sphere where, like diseased dogs overdosed on tranquilizers, we're still desperately [and sloppily] fucking the american dream through sleepless nights of excess. and we're doing it all to maintain. some movement so sudden in the dark slips by unnoticed as i float away in the backcurrents of autumn falling on the ocean. when the currents carry me to neon blue breakers, it's then i flip off the lights, whisper "goodnight" to daybreak, and loose myself in his covered eyes and ink splattered arms, stow away on his ship that has sunk to the depths of my ash blackened heart, it's for him i have dug this watery grave.
[c].morgane. (aka mars)
this sorry excuse for the coming california winter has caused our bouquet to wither in a fantastic display of slowly rotting sanity and decay, what has happened to those eyes i once knew....what happened to those eyes? blank for every thing but those poison flowers constantly in bloom. it started with a handshake and a backdrop of spooky music, what a beautiful fuckin' mess.
[c].morgane.
halloween was a dream and october was my bed.
so i'm leaving san diego tuesday morning...god knows when we shall meet again, this town and i.
may the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft...to dance with the stars
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| this night is a rude one. |
[06 Nov 2003|10:14pm] |
you know it's time to leave pacific beach when...
you decide to slog your ass up the street [while being completely sober for the first time in god knows how long] to ramones for a nice vegetarian burrito and maybe some fries with cheese, only to get there and see the goddamn place is on the brink of burning down. fire crew, news truck, panda bears and the whole nine. they were really trying to fuck us over on this one.
time to round up the necessary materials, make the proper arrangements, collect the dues, and get the fuck out.
and when all else fails, if you have no means of getting fucked up, do all you can to fake it, just try and maintain, and watch FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS.
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| and you say you came down here to slap the emo out of ME?! |
[05 Nov 2003|04:15am] |
last night i hit some sort of unprecedented low becxiuyf i saw jesus....AGAIN
oh shit. lets start over....
last night i hit some sort of unprecedented low
reaching some sort of breaking point now.
"no sympathy for the devil."
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| tonight i imagined i was a poet...and that my name was MARS |
[02 Nov 2003|03:10am] |
i wrote for fucking hours tonight, in this notebook, it was amazing, a month's worth of words finally came out. i ended up with 13 pages. i feel like a weight has been lifted. now i can feel free to worry about pointless things again. it's amazing the clarity you can get from no food or sleep.
Halloween came around and i couldn't even afford a sheet to wear for my getup. i did see two guys dressed as raoul duke and dr. gonzo and that made my fucking night. oh also when i was asking people for spare change so i could get some alcohol, some dude gave me a pack of cigarettes for free. shortly after that i got the necessary provisions and went about setting the night right.
8 voice messages remain unchecked. even my mother locks the doors now. i sometimes peer through the blinds. unopened cards sit in my closet. pictures in the mail of faces i should recognize, but don't.
could you help keep me sober? alcohol doesn't count. i think the only thing that will truly keep me sober now is the apologies i can't seem to make.
my dreds have made a triumphant return
so many nights we stayed awake, to watch the mornings rise, i scoured the sky for a whisper on the wind or a symbol to arrange itself in the clouds, instead i saw ashes flutter from orange skies and on some nights i saw tears well in my eyes, in the mirror, in the reflection of yours. dwhen it rains here, it rains to wash away the sins of crystal city.
we've reached october's end at last, and we're giving in to the snowlit fields of november.
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| i am the attorney |
[29 Oct 2003|05:21pm] |
this truly is fear and loathing in pacific beach, i'm convinced. the other night i got drunk and wrote in a notebook, "tonight we decided we would ride this wierd fucker all the way to the end", and that's exactly my plan. go out with a bang dressed in a sheet with two holes for eyes on halloween night. i will be unstoppable, who's gonna fuck with me now. yeah i'm gonna wear my armwarmers in the tub.[if shaggy's hotel party plan goes through.]
we've exhausted this town and all it has to offer. i was undecided on leaving, but yesterday morning's events blew every doubt from my foggy head.
i woke up to some woman's voice calling my name, a voice i haven't heard since about April, and it was my stepmom. she flew out here from vermont and found my house. this was 8:30 in the morning. i was actually asleep for once. she wanted me to go back to vermont with her saying she had a round trip ticket for me and everything. because it seems my so called "friends" decided they needed to inform my family of what's going on in my life these days. he got ahold of me the other day. i was at the "camp crema" just sitting around..i think i was drunk. and started crying on the phone with me and for the first time i actually wanted to talk to him but i was too fucked up to talk to him so i promised him i'd call back. i havent yet and probley won't.
so she took me out to breakfast [fucking amazing after you haven't eaten in two days--it was omelet with cheese brocoli and peppers, homefries on the side, english muffin, fresh orange juice, i don't know how i even ate, i must have been really damned hungry] and in the bathroom at the restaurant i called my work and told them i had to quit because there's shit going on with my family. so that's over now too.
it was a day from hell but at least i had someone's arms to fall into..beautiful fucking arms and eyes. i think that's another story though.
this is a turning point
and so it's time to go, time to fucking run again. i'm free of everything. and i can't stay here anymore. there's nothing left here for me. except well....moral of the story being...don't do drugs kids, they're bad!!
"But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit."
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[26 Oct 2003|10:50am] |
the san diego skies snow down ashes today
how fucking amazing you looked in that light
turned the clocks back one hour
as the fog rolled in last night
lost my life on the boardwalk
looking for glass pipes that grow flowers.
those eyes are far too intense for me..keep them covered.
and keep me sleeping tonight..
"close your eyes and look at me
i can't believe what i cannot see"
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